I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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