if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
