I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
