dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
