she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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