Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
