This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
