I looked at my own cervix.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
