They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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