i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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