well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
