The maid of honor just puked.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
