You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
