I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
