Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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