So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
