i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
