everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
