well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
