I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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