I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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