I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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