dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
