Plan B is the new Plan A
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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