Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize