I just made out with a guy for $7.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So squirting runs in the family.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
