Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
