the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
