I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
