I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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