I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
