I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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