My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
