I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
