Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
