You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize