OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's the barista slut.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
