just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
