I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize