I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
