i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize