What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love having hate sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
