Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I believe in your delicious
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize