have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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