who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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