i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
