Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
