we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
