Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
