Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
