dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
