Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
