Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize