like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
