Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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