Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
