are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
