Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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