I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
