Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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