I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize