totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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