I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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