I'm gonna have a badass scar
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
