dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
