AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
