I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
