U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
